


Blessed be those who can Forget

by AndreaDran17



Category: Dragon Age, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: (Only on Dorian's end), Canon Compliant, Cullen lets Dorian win at chess, Depression, Eventual Smut, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Lyrium Addiction, M/M, Mutual Pining, Post Trespasser DLc, its really cute
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-03
Updated: 2016-06-09
Packaged: 2018-06-06 05:44:39
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 5,819
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6740929
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AndreaDran17/pseuds/AndreaDran17
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cullen and Dorian have always been mutual friends, nothing more. However, after the events of Trespasser, they are both alone and in need of a good friend, and someone to struggle with. Perhaps they can find it in each other, or perhaps their pasts have been too much. (Mutual pining fic)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

How much had he drank? Too much, truth be told. Dorian took another swig, the burning liquid traveled down his throat and caused a short cough. The halls of the Inquisition were empty, and the cough echoed. He was alone, or so he thought.

A short sob broke the silence, catching Dorian's attention. Momentarily, he ignored the sob. He had problems of his own, and he was far too drunk to deal with someone else's struggles. But the sobbing persisted, and so did his curiosity. With a defeated sigh, Dorian followed the source of the sobbing. He attempted to control the slight unsteadiness in his step, but his drunkenness was obvious. How could he help someone in this state?

Much to his surprise, the source of the crying was the Commander. Dorian learned not to be surprised by anything... but this was a shake, at the very least. He liked Cullen, they were friends with one another. He enjoyed the commander's sly confidence and occasional dry humor, but was he equipped to be a comforter? Especially when absolutely everything important to him had gone to shit recently. It was too late for second guesses, the sound of his foot hitting the floor caused the commander to flinch.

Cullen's skin was red and blotchy, and as soon as he turned around he looked positively embarrassed. He greeted Dorian with a quick sniff.

"Well well well - looks like the mighty commander needs a shoulder to cry on?"

"I wish you hadn't seen this." 

They both spoke at the same time. Dorian found it rather amusing, while the commander blushed.

"Oh Maker. I just meant - no, I shouldn't burden you with my problems. It was a moment of weakness." His hands were trembling, and Dorian finally found the source of his pain. The lyrium was sitting across the table, open for anyone to grasp it. They exchanged a knowing glance, and Cullen looked even more ashamed. 

"I wasn't going to take it... it can be a comfort. I suppose, though- it isn't one right now." He glanced away from the Lyrium, and Dorian put the pieces together. He had heard rumors of the Templars being forced into Lyrium addiction to enhance their ability, but he never thought much of it. 'Templar' became a little bit of a dirty word to him when he was traveling through Thedas, just because of the way other mages spoke about them. Of course, he knew Cullen was an ex Templar, but he had never thought about the Lyrium addiction applied to him.

"I swear, its been many years since I've taken any. As I said, this was a moment of weakness- god, its just been." He paused, and mulled over his words carefully. "A rough couple of days." Dorian pushed the thought away. Addiction, yes. He glanced at the bottle in his hands. Sometimes, all you needed was an escape.

"Well, Mr. Commander." He shut the box containing the lyrium with a swift motion. "If lyrium has out used its purpose, I can take it from you. Don't want any old useless junk laying around. Instead, we can drink ourselves into a stupor." He leaned down and grinned jovially at the commander, who bashfully smiled back.

"I think you already have." 

"Ah yes, I forgot our dear commander was a comedian." He sauntered away. "Do join me, if you so please."

Cullen quickly followed after him.


	2. Chapter 2

Cullen's laughter was voluminous and it filled the corridors. Of course, instead of taking the commander to the inn, and risk exposing his shame to everyone else, Dorian decided that perhaps it would be best to take him somewhere far more private. Its not like Cullen would remember this the next day, judging by how much he was drinking. He had just gotten done trying to tell Dorian a story about his time in the Templar order, but he was laughing so much Dorian couldn't make heads or tails of it.

At least he was enjoying himself, while Dorian found himself sobering up quickly to take care of the commander. He had hidden the lyrium away in a corner of his bedroom, but the thought still troubled him.

"Wow! Feel this fabric, Dorian! Your room is amazing!" Cullen was busying himself with the silk curtains in Dorian's dorm, imported all the way from Orlais. As it turns out, not so shockingly, the commander was an absolute lightweight. He was red after two cups, and black out drunk after four. Of course, he did chug them rather quickly. Dorian knew why, and he decided it was best to not question it.

"Why Thank you. The Inquisitor presented them as a gift to me - in a rather teasing manner- after I set the last ones on fire. Sly girl, knew I wouldn't think of burning such expensive fabric." Cullen's brows furrowed. No, he didn't understand.

"Burned?"  
"Yes. Bull and I... well, this story is actually rather boring. I'd rather hear your story about the Templars, again." Dorian hoped Cullen understood his narrow dodge, and indeed, Cullen seemed to get it. Cullen waddled over to Dorian's bed, and plopped down on the layers of sheets and blankets. Dorian was surprised at how small the commander was without all the armor. In face, he may have only been a few inches taller than Dorian. The commander toyed with the hem of his red knit sweater, and began to tell the story again, and Dorian pretended to listen. After all, there's only so much one could pick up from a drunken man's story of the past. 

Soon Cullen erupted into a burst of laughter, and Dorian somewhat sarcastically joined. "You know!" Cullen smiled, his eyes twinkled like an excited child's. "I was taught my entire life to fear mages, but I'm not frightened around you." 

"I tend to put people at ease, yes." Dorian smirked, causing the skin around his nose to wrinkle. Cullen laughed. 

"What I mean is... you're not like other mages." It was Dorian's turn to laugh.

"Oh my, am I blushing, commander! I am eternally grateful for you for excusing me from your general bigotry." Cullen laughed some more, and this time it sounded like a giggle, just a bit.

"Thank you, Dorian. I should take my leave now." His voice had returned to its usual state Cullen stood up quickly, so quickly he immediately fell over. his legs were shaking like they were carrying the world, it seems. He immediately fell over and collapsed on the bed. Dorian smiled at him, sympathetically and also humorlessly.

"Why don't you stay here, Commander Cullen? The couch outside does look rather charming. Perhaps it'll straighten my back." Cullen didn't argue, in fact he almost immediately fell asleep after Dorian covered him in blankets. 

Dorian took refuge on the couch outside his bedroom, and pulled the extra blankets over his body. Here he was, the commander of the Inquisitions army in his bed. Ohh, how Cullen would blush the next day. He decided to shove the Lyrium underneath the couch. He understood, of course. He understood why old demons would provide comfort, especially in times like these.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Drunk! Cullen is OOC cullen


	3. Chapter 3

Cullen woke up with a hangover in someone else's bed. He sat up, his back cracked a thousand times before he stood up and walked through the room. The room was far cleaner than his, and far more put together. Cullen felt almost embarrassed for himself, even if he still didn't know who the room belonged too. 

 

Then he saw it. A letter in fancy cursive writing addressed to Dorian Pavus. Oh maker, what was he doing in Dorian's dorm? He hurried out, and there he was, Dorian Pavus, asleep on the couch. He looked peaceful in the rising sun, with the sun subtly highlighting his features. He looked young, surprisingly young. Cullen had forgotten how young the both of them were, his hardened expression aged him. 

Should he wake him, or pretend last night never happened? It was a moment of weakness, and very unusual for Cullen. Truthfully it had just become too much, and he couldn't believe that he had exposed himself to Dorian, of all people. The Tevinter mage. No, he didn't hold that against him, at least, he shouldn't. He had gotten over the churning feeling in his gut whenever Dorian was around - the fear of mages that had been installed in him. It took years of untraining, but he felt his fear had subsided for the most part.

With trembling hands he reached out to him, but his fingers curled inwards. No, not a good idea. He couldn't ruin his morning.

After this, commander Cullen ran out of Dorian's room, which led to the immediate sprouting of rumors throughout the servants quarters.  
\- - -  
The Inquisitor had a loud and booming voice, one that managed to fill the halls with its volume. Dorian only had one thing on his mind during her speech, though: Bother commander Cullen as much as humanely possible. Dorian recognized a hangover when he saw one, and as soon as the speech was over and the group disbanded, he greeted the commander.

"Hello, commander." 

"AH- oh, Dorian. You frightened me." He opened his mouth to say something, but quickly shut it instead. He wrapped his fingers around Dorian's arms and pulled the young man away onto a balcony. Dorian let a pleasurable purr out.

"Oh my, commander! Is something the matter? Could it be- " Dorian leaned in. "A bit of a hangover?" He snickered.

"Agh, no. I pulled you aside to discuss this." Cullen rubbed the back of his neck. "It was a momentary lapse, Dorian. I... Oh maker." Cullen felt himself blush even more when he looked up and saw Dorian grinning mercilessly at him. 

"Do not make that face! I'm mortified at my actions-- " Cullen slapped his forehead. "Just promise you won't mention it. Just act like it that night never happened, and never. mention. it. again."

"Oh, act as things were before? Before I saw our dashing commander in a moment of weakness, and saved him out of the own kindness of my heart?" Cullen groaned. "I suppose." Cullen looked up, quite shocked at how quickly Dorian's attitude changed. The Dorian he knew was a sarcastic and semi-bitter man, but maybe there was a kind side.

Dorian, on the other hand, was perplexed. He had imagined bothering the commander would be far more fun than it actually was. Maker, was he feeling sorry for the commander? Bull really had messed with his head.

He leaned in even closer. "But allow me the pleasure of a chess match with you, then. I've brushed up on my skills. I think I could make you sweat, commander." Cullen smiled.

"You're on."


	4. Chapter 4

"Check." Dorian's voice rang out loud and clear, capturing Cullen's attention. The commander glanced away from the blooming roses and up at the smirking mage in front of him. It was spring, and the garden was in full bloom. The pink roses were accompanied by dawn's dusty pink haze. Cullen felt oddly tired, especially after a long day of training. After a normal day, the abnormal events of last night seemed to fade. His drunken chattering seemed eons away, and Dorian didn't seem to remember either.

Dorian had gotten better at chess, but maybe its because Cullen was distracted. He wouldn't damage Dorian's pride by admitting such a thing, though. He leaned across the table, and in mere seconds he placed a scheme together. 

"Check yourself." He leaned back, grinning somewhat cockily. Cullen rarely felt an abundance of confidence, but when he did, he really did. Dorian was astounded at the move. 

"My my commander, you're back to your normal self." He moved the piece, moving himself out of Cullen's trap. Cullen quickly moved his piece after piecing together a strategy. No way he would let himself loose because of some pretty flowers. Several moves later, Cullen began to feel rather awkward with the silence. Usually during their chess matches he would be engulfed in the event, and practically ignore Dorian. After last night's events, however, he needed to fill the silence.

"How have you been, Dorian?" He moved a piece. The skin around Dorian's nose crinkled.

"I've been fine. A little hurt, since you never took an interest in my well being before."

"I have!" Cullen felt a blush creep up on his cheeks. Maker, he hated how easily he blushed. He remembered being young and his sister teasing him for turning red every time he saw a pretty girl. "Ahem... I have." Dorian moved his piece.

"I suppose I always assumed you were... alright, before now." Another move. Cullen realized he may have made a mistake in saying that. He knew that Bull and Dorian were in a relationship, but he also knew of Dorian's pride.

"Oh?" Dorian's unhappiness was evident. "What makes you think that?" Careful now.

"I suppose... Well, it has been a rough couple of months." Dorian's face shifted away from anger... it shifted into a sadness.

"That it has." He looked hurt. "If you're referring to my relationship with Bull, however, I'll have you know I am perfectly fine. I'm a grown man, after all." Cullen moved his chess piece. He knew what it was like, of course. To insist you didn't need help. Perhaps Cullen was prideful, as well.

"I suppose you're right." He wanted to tell him that there was no shame in asking for help. He would happily help him, if he felt he could help anyone with such issues. Dorian leaned back in the chair, and coughed curtly.

"If you're simply dying from curiosity, however... yes, it is unfortunate, isn't it? One hardly feels cherished after having romantic relations with a..." Betrayer. Manipulator. Liar. 

Cullen had never felt angry towards Bull before, he figured there were spies involved in the Inquisition. Spies were involved in every war. Still, he had never considered how personally effected Dorian was by it. Perhaps war had made him immune to such things.

"You have my sympathies." The words escaped his mouth without his consent, and he smiled sheepishly at Dorian. He moved his chess piece. Dorian moved, again.

"Oh." Cullen's mouth opened in surprise. "I think you have... won." Dorian grinned triumphantly.

"Oh no, our commander has fallen! The evil mage from Tevinter swooped in and stole the scene." He knocked Cullen's queen over for effect, and Cullen chuckled. 

"Yes yes, you succeeded. Don't let it go to your head, I was quite distracted." 

"By what? My devilish charm or my handsome looks? Wait, don't answer. It was my wits, of course!" 

Cullen and Dorian both knew that the knight captain had let Dorian win, but they both decided to not mention it.


	5. Chapter 5

"Dorian!" The warning came out too late, and Dorian was sent to the ground after the blunt end of the blade hit him. Luckily Adaar leaped in just in time, and halted the steal with her knives. As soon as their enemy was gone, she leaned over and offered Dorian her hand.

"You got your head shoved up your ass, or something?" She grimaced, while Sera picked loot off the enemies on the ground. He took her hand, and allowed himself to be pulled up with an incredible strength.

"Hmm? Oh-" Dorian huffed. "No, its nothing."

" ' Nothing ' doesn't result in my best friend hit three times."

"You tell him luvie!" Sera cheered from the sidelines. Dorian shifted his weight.

"Well I suppose... I am a bit miffed about some things here and there." Dorian glanced to the side. "Come on, Adaar. Don't make me say it." The Inquisitor smiled fondly, revealing her slight under bite.

"No, no! I completely understand." She slapped Dorian's shoulder. "You should take a break!"

"Inquisitor, No I couldn't. You have so much on your plate, and I am more than capable of taking care of my own feelings - !"

"Then do it. I dont need you dead, Dorian! C'mon, I'm giving you paid leave." She winked. "Well, if I paid you." 

After much protesting, Dorian returned to Skyhold. The trip took several days, but he figured he'd only rest for a few weeks. Hopefully, if the Inquisitor could stop looking at him with those sad eyes. Did she really need to pity him so? Of course, he knew he was making plans to return to Tevinter... Soon. After his feelings regarding the whole Bull incident passed. Of course, he couldn't forget. It frightened Dorian that he had forgotten about Tevinter... he was goal oriented. He believed in right and wrong. Yes, he could not forget.

He forgot soon after his fourth pint. He stumbled to his bedroom, and collapsed against the sheets in his bed.

He didn't hold it against Bull, no. He had made it known from the beginning that he was a spy. Still... all these questions. What was real, what was fake? A part of him cursed Adaar for forcing Bull to remain loyal to the qunari, but who knows what he would have done in a similar situation. Who knows what Bull was thinking about, ever. He dug his fingers into the pillow. After Bull's surprise death, Dorian threw everything away that belonged to him. He wrecked his room, but now he wished he hadn't. Maybe something- anything- could provide insight into the mind of the man he once loved.

Shit. He had drank too much. He tossed and turned in bed, wanting to rid his mind of his feelings. His father, passed. His lover, passed. He gripped at the tightened feeling in his chest. Maybe he needed another drink, just maybe. But also, no. 

He wondered if Cullen was up. He remembered when he first met Cullen, a strikingly handsome man. He made sure to fall into his arms, even if it was just a bit exaggerated. He carried him to the Chantry, and helped him with his wounds. He remembered the immediate relief he felt when Cullen helped him. Even in the most stressful of times, Cullen was charming. 

Of course he was Prince Charming, after all. A heroic, tall and beautiful man. All the servant girls had silly little crushes on him, even if Cullen didn't notice, Dorian did. They would blush when he addressed them, and giggle for days.

On the other hand, Dorian himself was not immune to the idea of a prince charming. He had shoved the idea in the back of his head, but the drunken mind does enjoy swimming. He could paint the perfect picture of the commanders smile in his head - man, what a charming fellow indeed. Dorian as a young boy did dream of a prince charming, but he soon destroyed the notion.

And here was Prince charming, right here in front of him. Dorian soon passed out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I suppose this chapter assumes prince charming exists in the world of Thedas lol


	6. Chapter 6

Cullen had a hole in his roof. Why had this never been addressed before? They lived in the mountains, snow was bound to happen. He looked up at the grey skies and decided it would best for him to fix it himself. He remembered a few logs outside the tavern, and decided they would be suitable. He pulled his fur coat over his armor and made his way to the tavern. There were people chattering and laughing, but all of the noise halted as soon as they saw him. He felt a bit awkward, and waved.

"Erm- as you were." They began chatting again like Cullen wasn't there. He picked up a few logs, but was soon distracted by a sniffling and a sneeze. He glanced around the corner, and saw Dorian there. Dorian was in his usual impractical armor, with his arms wrapped tightly around his torso. He was shivering, but fighting it. Cullen laughed, far louder than he had meant to laugh.

"Are there no coats in Tevinter?" Dorian looked up and immediately glared at him.

"Ah yes, the joking commander! Quickly, why don't you quip some more while I freeze." Cullen only laughed more. 

"I'm sorry." His laughter faded. You're probably not used to the cold -- or the mountainous cold. Here." He threw his coat over Dorian absentmindedly, and then glanced back up at his room. "Actually, you could help me with something."

Dorian was wearing the prince's coat. Of course, he would do such a thing without considering the consequences of his actions. Dorian huffed, and followed Cullen's gaze to his quarters.

"Oh my, what do you have in mind, commander?" His grin was naughty. Cullen continued to stare at his room.

"There's a blasted hole in my roof. I could use someone to hold the wood panels, while I hammer them. If you don't mind." Dorian sighed.

"I suppose not." Then the two of them walked to Cullen's room, and Dorian ignored the strong sent of pine that he could smell on the commanders coat. He also ignored the commanders jovial smile as he entered the room. He absolutely ignored the overwhelming scent of pine and the closeness of the quarters. He glanced up at the hole in the ceiling.

"That small thing? I could handle it for you in a few seconds, commander." Cullen dropped the wooden planks on the ground and quirked a brow.

"You could? " 

"Of course. If you're willing to let me use some spooky tevinter magic." Hesitation crossed the commander's brow, but eventually he nodded slowly. 

With a small flourish of the hand, Dorian lifted the wooden planks with his magic, and one by one placed them against the hole in the ceiling. He snuck glances at the commander, who's expression was a mixture of horror and admiration. Dorian would occasionally do a move with just a little flair, to impress the horrified Cullen, of course.   
He began nailing the nails in one by one, but soon Cullen's voice rang out in horror.

"Stop!" The wood immediately dropped. Dorian looked at Cullen, who looked equally shocked at his own words. The moment was stiff with silence.

"No, no. I am sorry." Cullen sat down in front of the wood, and began picking them up. "I am sorry, I am sorry." He scooped up the wooden blocks, and whispered.

"9:11. Honnleath. Nine pounds. A healthy boy." He repeated this phrase until his shaking hands halted, and he stood up. His face was flushed and wild, and Dorian felt fear for only a split moment.

"Commander...?" His voice cracked.

"No, I am truly sorry. I am." He shivered. "I have grown accustomed to being around mages, and their magic..." He rubbed the back of his neck. "I just... No, maker- ! Have you heard of the events during the fifth blight, in the Ferelden Circle?"

"Yes." Rumors, at least. Dorian was dumbfounded.

"I was there." His sentence was short, but it got the point across. The events, they were described to be horrendous. Few survivors, every mage resorting to blood magic, abominations. The Broken circle, saved by the hero of Ferelden. Dorian never considered the possibility that someone he knew had been involved in such famous tales, but it made sense.

Dorian stepped away, and picked up one of the wooden planks. "Well thats all fine. We all have our demons, I suppose. You can warm up to my evil Tevinter magic. In the mean time." He turned, and crinkled his nose. "You can hammer these to the wall, the old fashioned way. I stay and watch you work." He grinned once again, and Cullen smiled at him appreciatively.

Usually, Dorian found there was no excuse for a fear of mages. But, when he saw the fear in Cullen's eyes, something deep within him resonated with his struggles. Sometimes all you could do was be afraid, and make excuses for the fear. He held the wood above his head, and allowed Cullen to fix the roof the hard, laborious way. After there magnificent work was done, the shared a pint and some stories.

"I will need my coat back, you know?"

"What? A gift is a gift."


	7. Chapter 7

Cullen leaned against the rough stone walls, and watched the mages train. There was a young, nervous looking man who was struggling to focus with Cullen around. His mentor, on the other hand, didn't seem to give a damn that Cullen was there, and she continued as if no one else was there. Occasionally she'd pinch the young man's cheek, and scorn him whenever his fire magic faltered. Cullen felt himself smile, and he remembered being scorned as a young boy if he ever misbehaved. Of course, that life ended far too early.

 

Occasionally the magic would get too close to him, and his fingers would clench. Of course, he was used to magic on the battle field. On the field it seemed to be necessity, and there were plenty of other things that wanted to kill him. Now, it was private, in his personal life. He always avoided the mages quarter, but his fears needed to subside. He would not give less to the inquisition because of his irrational fears. Mages were free now, there were no circles. Leliana demanded it. He needed to remain calm, he needed to serve the Inquisition. 

 

He needed to serve the Inquisition. One by one, he uncurled his fingers. They were white from the pressure he had put on them. He remembered Dorian's horrified expression. Just when he thought he was making a new friend. How many times had he apologized for the incident? How many times had Dorian clicked his tongue and tell him there was no need for apologies? 

 

The flame came too close. Cullen's thoughts halted, and he took a step back. His breathing hitched, and he felt a shout form in his throat. No, it was fine. The young mage glanced at Cullen, and turned a deep red.

"I'm sorry, Ser!" The older woman pinched her apprentices cheeks. Cullen rubbed the back of his neck.

"Its quite alright, young man." Cullen felt his stomach swirl, and he turned on his heel.

He marched away, repeating those words over and over in his mind. 9:11. Honnleath. Nine pounds. His anxiety subsided, slowly. In his panic, his shoulder collided with someone else's. 

"Dorian!" His voice cracked when he turned around and saw the mage bent over with several books in his hands. Dorian stood up.

"Yes, it would seem so." He glanced around. "Commander, you realize you're in the mage quarters? If you are lost, I can guide you out." Dorian grinned. 

"What? Oh no... I was simply observing."

"As a Templar?"

"As an observer."

Dorian was taken aback. He hid his embarrassment with a cough. "Oh, well! Here to see some performed magic?"

"Yes." Another shocking answer, truth be told.

"Well I'm frankly offended! You could've come all this way to your charming friend, Dorian Pavus, and instead you watch the younglings stumble." Cullen blushed, and it made Dorian smile. What a handsome smile.

" Let me entertain you, for just a bit." Cullen nodded, albeit reluctantly. Dorian stood on his toes, and grasped one of the candles hanging freely on the wall. He made eye contact with Dorian, and blew the flame out.

"See this, here? Ah!" He snapped, and the flame flickered back to life. A genuine grin spread on Cullen's lips, causing the wrinkles under his eyes to gather. Dorian smiled in return.

"I thought it'd be best to start out small, but lets do something bigger, shall we?" Cullen nodded, and Dorian leaned down and blew on the candle. This time, ice formulated on the wax, freezing the melting substance. Cullen smiled once again. Dorian could do so much more, he could be so impressive, but he figured it was best to start out small with Cullen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey guys ! thanks for all the kudos ; v ;   
> my tumblr is here http://pentaqhast.tumblr.com/


	8. Chapter 8

"relax , my dear commander. I'm more than capable of holding my own." 

They were alone, in the Inquisition's library. It was a sunny day, so most of the Inquisition's soldiers were outside. After much hesitation and thought, Cullen had agreed to grow more comfortable with Dorian's magical abilities, through one on one sessions.

Dorian didn't mind at all. 

He had gone from small flames to intricate patterns and pictures crafted formed from magic. This was nothing short of flashy, but Dorian loved to show off. And Cullen let him. 

He noticed that the commander was always a little nervous around magic, but not on the battlefield. Dorian didn't know why, but the thought repeated over and over again in his mind. He was curious about the commander, oddly enough. There were so many things he wanted to know - what would he do if he weren't the commander, for example. His favorite color, his family, his world views. He was much more than a Templar, Dorian found. 

Dorian pushed those thoughts to the back of his head. 

"I am fine, Dorian." Cullen smiled, revealing a row of perfect white teeth. He chuckled. "You're more nervous than I am, truthfully. Is something on your mind?" 

A pause ensued. 

"I just think its very odd-" He clicked his teeth. "That you seem comfortable with everyone's magic on the battle field. Am I wrong in assuming that it seems unusual." The sincerity of Cullen's smile faded.

"Oh." He spoke, shortly. "Well, I suppose... its like a weapon, during battle. Magic is like a sword or hammer, because the battlefield is different from everywhere else. I feel different, at least. I feel calm, collected. Like its a chess game, and I need to save lives. I assume mages on the battle field are in a similar state." His expression formed a passionate exuberance. He looked like someone who had seen the heavens, and couldn't quite put his words on it.

"You like war, do you?" Cullen immediately blushed.

"Ah... no. I don't enjoy violence, truthfully. I enjoy the tactics. I've had enough violence for a life time." Dorian leaned forward and smirked. He couldn't resist the temptation, truly. He couldn't think. 

"You could try something else, equally dangerous." A dangerous smirk formed on his lips. "Chess, perhaps?" 

"Chess isn't dangerous." Cullen retorted with a breathy chuckle. 

"There are other methods, if you insist on playing with fire." They were already whispering, but his voice only delved into something lower. His hand drifted over Cullen's leg, and then patted it. 

"I should take my leave, commander. Unless you wish to burn down the library." He winked at Cullen. Cullen's face twisted into a marvelous smile.

Maker, what had Dorian done?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey guys, this chapter was pretty rough. The pacing seems to be off, but I was trying to handle that while also making it seem like a very weird, spur of the moment flirtation. 
> 
> thanks!


	9. Chapter 9

Dorian was alone in his chambers, flipping through the pages of the large book in front of him. His eyes were half lidded with boredom and vacancy as his mind wandered a thousand miles away. His father, he wondered how his father was doing. Even if he had cut off contact with his father, he occasionally heard news of his father's failing health from old Tevinter allies. He looked at the text behind thick lashes, until the text began to blur in his vision.  
He heard the door open without warning, and he snapped out of his dream-like haze. In front of him, there was Cullen, looking mad and frenzied. He wasn't wearing his usual armor, no - he was wearing nothing but a red shirt that Dorian had noticed occasionally peaking out from behind his armor. His face was red and flushed, his brows were furrowed. Dorian opened his mouth to speak, but Cullen madly waved his arm.  
"No, but quiet - maker, how could this happen?" He ran his hands through his blond curls. Dorian's mouth was wide open, and he stood.  
"I should be the one asking questions, commander. You're the one who burst into my home uninvited." He spoke easily, but he was anxious. Cullen looked angry, and he had no idea why.  
"What? Oh no- shut up." Cullen grabbed Dorian's back and pulled him into a surprisingly gentle kiss. Dorian's surprise grasped him, but soon he was kissing him back.His hands were trembling as they found their place wrapped around Dorian's shoulders, but Dorian didn't mind the nerves. Instead he felt a grin develop on his lips, allowing himself to be engulfed in a very sweet kiss. It started out rough, but soon melted into something much gentler, much sweeter. Dorian inhaled gently, trying to take in every detail but falling quit short. Instead he could find only one word for this sensation - wonderful. Cullen pulled away, blushing madly while he rubbed the back of his neck.  
"Again?" His grin was devilishly, and then he pulled Dorian even closer, preparing for a deeper kiss.

"Dorian!" A husky voice interrupted his day dream, and Dorian looked up at the inquisitor looking very annoyed.  
"You don't have to come to meetings if all you're going to do is daydream." The Inquisitor furrowed her brows, and all eyes were on Dorian. The Inquisitor was smiling, of course - regarding this all as a rather humorous chain of events, but Dorian felt embarrassment creep up his back.  
"Maybe if you were a little more interesting I'd listen, Adaar." He smirked, hoping no one noticed his reddening cheeks. The Inquisitor grinned in return.  
"I like the sass, Dorian! Keep it up!" She laughed, and then went back to reciting off the parchment. Dorian looked down.  
Maker, he was fantasizing like a giggling school girl during a meeting - and he was fantasizing about gentle kissing? He cursed under his breath, and made sure to pay extra close attention for the rest of the meeting.  
If only it weren't so hard. He had noticed, of course, Cullen was one of the people who looked at him when the Inquisitor snapped at him. Dorian felt an odd sort of insecurity, like somehow Cullen knew he was thinking about him. Cullen's expression had remained unchanged, leaving Dorian to fill in the gaps with any horrifying possibility. He shook his head.  
He wasn't a child, he wasn't going to act like one.  
The meeting seemed to drag on forever, and a singular question seemed to repeat over and over again in Dorian's mind. Did he have feelings for Cullen? How childish, maybe even pathetic. Dorian felt himself sneer. Would he really latch onto the first kind man he met?   
Still, he couldn't deny his heart skipping a beat every time Cullen smiled to himself, when he thought no one else was looking. He was a kind man, one who had dealt with his fair share of demons in his past. Just like Dorian.   
Maybe it wasn't so bad, but Dorian would be damned if he let himself be won over so easily.  
The meeting was over, and everyone exited out of the room. Dorian followed the crowd, and felt a hand land on his shoulder that felt like electricity coursing through his body. He turned around and faced Cullen.  
"Don't feel bad, Dorian." He smiled, his nose crinkling. "This kind of thing happens to the best of us."  
Indeed it did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey! sorry about the long wait, I graduated. lol.


End file.
